Category Archives: Stupid Things I’ve Done
The Worst First Date Ever OR The Worst Time to Pee Your Pants
I had the worst first date ever. But, in order to understand why this date was so bad, we are going to need to take a quick journey through my youth. On this trip we will inventory the manifold fears and insecurities that embedded themselves in my mind much like a tick can burrow into [...]
The Worst Small Group Ever
I led the worst small group ever. I’m saying that as an indictment of my leadership and not as a criticism of the group. But they didn’t exactly do me any favors. The idea for the small group was simple: give 20 somethings a place to gather together, study scripture, worship and pray. It seems simple enough. But in reality I was totally against the idea that people in their twenties needed a unique group. Why couldn’t they just do this at church like normal adults? That’s when I had my first stroke of genius: make a church wide announcement that it was a group for 20 somethings, but invite anyone else who was interested to also show up. That way, I figured, the group might have a little perspective and diversity.
King of Awana? Not While I was There.
Al Cedeno is a lot of things, obese, over-hyped, and not a friend of bald honesty, to name a few, but he is not the King of Awana. That title is all mine.
I Finished This Marathon 10 Years Ago
They say that the key to incredible athletic performances is equal parts physical and mental discipline. But those people are stupid. They obviously didn’t graduate cum laude at 18. Tsegaye Kebede finished the Chicago Marathon in 2:04:38. Oh, wow. Well, I bet he never produced a 20 page research paper in less than 24 hours for an A. “Excellent Paper.” That’s what the prof said. You know what? Did I mention I did all the research during that time too? I was averaging like 1 complete page per hour. Those are sick stats. You don’t just wake up and decide you are going to do that. That’s pure talent.
An Open Letter to Our Wives
It has been said that the two of you find our possible future quest to be stupid. We will try to explain it. Sometimes in life, we men need grand gestures or at least grand adventures. At our age our ancestors had sired children whom they carried on their backs across the Beiring Strait. They [...]
I Don’t Put Up with any Sh*t from Tigers Fans
Imagine you are at a White Sox game circa August 2008. The Sox are playing the Detroit Tigers. One unfortunate side-effect of this game is that fans of the Tigers attend. You are sitting with me and a couple of friends 10 rows up from the third base line. Two rows ahead is the enemy. [...]
Your first day at college and you are 14
You are sitting in a large classroom by yourself. The lights aren’t on but there is natural light coming in through the windows. You are wearing a yellow beanie with a silver propeller atop and a large white sign with about 40 girls’ names written on it in a variety of colors which hangs around [...]
